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       ENQUIRER

Royal Court in Turmoil. Will Denmark survive?

By SOJIN JOSEPHSON

Things  are heating up in the ROYAL COURT in the quickly deteriorating country of DENMARK since the sudden death of KING HAMLET.  Drama, destruction, deceit, and death are of regular occurrence at Elsinore.

The young and contemplative Prince Hamlet is increasingly becoming psychotic and irrational, which we have concluded from a recent interview.  Following the death of his father, his mother married his Uncle Claudius.  Talk about impure and wrong.  Hamlet then told our crew he saw the ghost of his father who told him that Claudius killed him.  We think someone has popped a little too many pills.  Really, what kind of sane person talks to ghosts?  Are these the kinds of people you want to be the glue to hold your country together?  Yeah, didn’t think so.

If the situation was not bad enough already, put love into the equation and there is a mess that can never be cleaned up.  Young Hamlet fell in love with Miss Ophelia of Elsinore, daughter of Polonius- advisor of King Claudius.  Confusing right?  “Though this be madness, yet there is method in't,” says Polonius in an interview, who believes the reason for Hamlet’s lunacy is due to the deep love he has for Ophelia.  THEN, what we did not see coming, in a chaotic burst of outrage, Hamlet murdered Polonius!  Oh what a tangled web they weave when they intend to deceive.

With a guilty conscience, Claudius has been feeling a little frightened of Hamlet and also fearing his Queen will leave him if he does not get on better terms with her one and only beloved son.  Not only could he lose his Queen, but also the people of Denmark, who love the Prince dearly.  (Gasp!)  To get more on the inside scoop, we invited Horatio, best friend to Hamlet and currently presiding in Elsinore, over to our headquarters for an interview.  He tells us that the King sent the Prince back to college in England for a breather and to keep the Royal Court safe from Hamlet’s insanity.  We think not.  The King is up to something.  Horatio then went on to tell us that Hamlet is being held captive by pirates and is on his way back to Denmark as you read this.

Since the death of her father, Ophelia has become a mirror to Hamlet—a psychotic nutcase.  Maybe they should be together after all.  Not.  Those two ruling together would be a disaster, like the fall of the Roman Empire all over again.  The return of her brother Laertes from France has struck a spark in the heart of the country.  He is raging and in search of revenge…at Elsinore.

The Royal Court is in a state of serious turmoil and scandal and if people are not driven to madness, they are dying anyway.  The Royal Court of the neighboring country of Norway is heading to attack the Polacks.  Pretty soon they will all turn to dust and be forgotten forever if they do not step it up and stop acting like batty freak shows.  Have the royals gone bonkers?  Read our follow up articles to stay updated.

“To Be or Not to Be”

Life or death.  Who really knows?

Are you more dignified to suffer through the pains of life

than to just simply end all the troubles by dying?

Dying and sleeping are interchangeable states that let

you leave behind the grief and torment that come from life.

Ridding ourselves of heavy hearts is something that everyone

strives for.

With sleep, come dreams, but after we take our last breath, what

if we are unable to dream?  After we have shed our mortality?

That is the tradeoff.

This is the concern, the fear, that makes us question our anguish and

the reason for our miseries to drag on.

What type of person would want to deal with the heartache and disappointments

of life?  All of the arrogant people, rejection and unreturned love, government,

and the injustices between people…when you could candidly just end your life.

Who would tolerate the agonies of life unless they were scared of something

after death?

The afterlife is a place unknown to mankind.  A place that no one returns from.

The thought confuses our spirits.

Our fear of dying and entering the unknown makes us cowardly.

Overthinking diminishes our strength.

What could be action turns to inaction.

Please be quiet because Ophelia is now coming.  I hope she prays for my sins.

Thanksgiving Weekend Highlights!

The Darkness Prevails

Collapsing, my world is collapsing

Once bright and happy, now

losing my grip.

No rhyme, no reason, no thought,

no spark. 

The light inside is gone.

The Darkness Prevails.

With every new day, a mask hides

what is truly underneath that smile.

But home I go, and all the fire is

unleashed, with nothing to diminish

the flames.

The Darkness Prevails

F

  A

     L

        L

           I

             N

                G

And stumbling, trying to find a place to go.

To be understood.

I cannot express my feelings:

Stress,

Anxiety,

Built up inside, I want to scream.

Trying with words, only to create more

tension and confusion.

The Darkness Prevails.

You cannot help me,

this time just needs to pass.

I am my own problem, I do not

understand either.  Sorry is my

only

answer.

You cannot see the overwhelming frustrations,

flowing through my veins,

ready to burst through the surface.

The Darkness Prevails.

Loved,

Appreciated, so

Why?  I cannot come to a conclusion.

Tears of sorrow are not unusual now.

I want, I need—a solution…

I learned:  light can shine through, putting

back together the pieces of a broken soul.

Happiness comes from within, gloomy can be

the day, or life, but the sun will shine on us

again.

So…

Oppose the Lows,

The Darkness is Gone, Forever.

On a further, happier note--This was extremely exaggerated!

News Article: Double Judge Ito - First Halloween

Double Judge Ito

October 31, 1995

Big Timber (Pioneer) -- The air is turning crisp and the ambiance in this little town is joyful and excited as parents help their young ones into costumes as they prepare for the “trick-or-treat” holiday.  Snow is in the air, jack-o-lanterns are aglow, and haunted houses sit at every corner.  The citizens of Big Timber are anxiously awaiting the arrival of not one, but two young Judge Ito’s. 

            As nighttime approaches, mothers all over town are delighted with their children as they get their candy buckets ready and stand back to admire their creative works of art.  The Josephson household is another story. “Soj come here, I need to finish giving you glasses and a beard.”  “Charlie, stop running away, you need your gavel!”  These youngsters think it is all fun and games, but mothers know best and Charlie and Sojin have some serious business to take care of elsewhere.  Their mothers are trying their best to get the kids into their robes, gavels in hand, so they can make their way to the courtroom where more serious issues are awaiting them.  For instance, murder trials.

            As the O.J. Simpson case comes to a close in Los Angeles, with the original Judge Lance Ito residing over the court, two of our youngest come together to succeed the famous judge.  Charlie Lovell and Sojin Josephson, each just one year old, are taking over the duties of Judge Ito.  The fathers of both Charlie and Sojin are lawyers so they are already accustomed to the strict ways of the court.  Ironically, Charlie’s father is named Lance, just like Judge Lance Ito and Sojin is Asian, just like Judge Lance Ito.  There could not be a more perfect pair for the role. 

What happened to the simple days when kids were ghosts or witches or princesses year after year?  What kinds of mothers dress their one year old babies up like judges from a murder trial for their first Halloween?  Or in fact, actually make their babies be a part of a real trial.  Guess there is a first for everything.  Instead of receiving candy from every house dotting the town, these two will be sitting in on the remainder of the O.J. Simpson murder trial trying to keep the court from turning into mass chaos.

            After yelling “order in the court!” for so long, the babies have had enough.  After months of discussion, the jurors finally come to a conclusion.  Mr. O.J. Simpson will be acquitted.  Charlie and Sojin sigh with relief, whether or not they agree with the decisions, because they can now proceed to their first Halloween like normal children.  The cold outdoors, scary monsters, crowds of people, pumpkins, and the whole nine yards.  Their mothers finally bring them home with their loads of candy that they cannot actually eat, but they seem content after the events of the day.  The double Judge Ito’s will forever have an impact on this community and will continue to be to be the youngest judges ever to exist.  In all my years of holiday reports for this newspaper, this has been the most interesting and eventful one I have ever been a part of. 

Pioneer’s Jack Green reported from Big Timber

           

           

Seventeen Magazine Article Feature: Orlando



                                                                       ORLANDO
   BRAVE, SWEET, LOVABLE, HERO.      
                 BY SOJIN JOSEPHSON

         “Forever and a day ”

       Orlando de Bois is a major character in William Shakespeare’s As You Like It.  He is the youngest son of the late Lord de Bois, who is left to his older brother for proper schooling and to be turned into a gentleman.  However, his brother does not satisfy the wishes of his father and does not help Orlando, who states “bequeathed me by will but poor a thousand crowns, and, as thou say'st, charged my brother, on his blessing, to breed me well: and there begins my sadness.”  He is a beautiful young man, although he does not know this.  He is smart, brave, kind-hearted, and loved by most.  In the fight of a century, Orlando beat a famous wrestler of the noble court, named Charles.  This victory earned the young man major kudos, especially with the ladies…or one lady.  Rosalind, Rosalind, Rosalind…it is love at first sight for the pair.  Orlando is a bit cheesy when he talks about his love for Rosalind, acting like he will die without her.  He is truly passionate and romantic about his feelings for this girl.  During his time in the forest, he wrote many versus confessing his love for Rosalind, and put them all over the forest.  This was before he even really knew her.  The dear Rosalind and our wonderful Orlando are a shining young couple, balancing each other out and lighting up a dark forest when together.  Even though Mr. Orlando thought that Rosalind was Ganymede for awhile, the deeper connection was always present and she turned him into a better man by showing him the ways of love.  Orlando and his brother eventually make amends and his brother fell in love with Rosalind’s cousin.  Even without proper schooling from his brother, Orlando turned out to be very much a gentleman and all the happy couples are living happily ever after!  Sorry ladies, I know you are swooning out there, but Orlando is now off the market and happily married to Rosalind.

“Live a little; comfort a little; cheer thyself a little.”

 

058 

  

17:  When you met Rosalind, was it love at first sight?

Orlando:  YES.  Not to be cliché, but I was irrevocably in love when she first talked to me.  It was right after I won the fight against the Great Charles and so I was a little shaken up, but she instantly brightened my day and I could not wait to see her again. 

17:  Speaking of the wrestling match, what were you thinking going in?

Orlando:  I actually had really mixed feelings going into the match.  I obviously wanted to win to prove to my brother that I was a man and I wanted to earn some respect and make my dad proud.  I definitely did not think I could beat the #1 wrestler in the noble court and I felt like dying in parts of the match.  It did feel good to win and I never would have met Rosalind if I had chickened out of the match.

17:  We were informed that Rosalind gave you a gold chain to wear after you won the wrestling match, what is the story with the chain?

Orlando:  At the time she gave it to me, I could not really tell if it was a prize for winning or if she actually loved me.  I did not care what the reason was, I was just so incredibly happy to have a token to remember her by.  I now know that she felt the same way about me as I felt about her.  The chain was the first symbol of our love and I still carry it around with me today.

17: How is the relationship with your brother now?

Orlando: We definitely had some major problems after our father died, but after I left home, he changed a lot.  Then, when I saved his life he grew more respect towards me.  He actually fell in love with Rosalind’s cousin and they got married at the same time we did.  She makes him a better person and now we all live close together and are very happy.  He is now one of my best friends and although I ended up schooling myself in the end, I still look up to him.

17: What went through your mind when you found out that the man who helped you so much, Ganymede, was actually your dear Rosalind? 

Orlando: I was surprised at first, but I replay the time we spent together in the forest over and over again every day.  It actually makes more sense each time I look into it.  Ganymede was a witty and beautiful person, inside and out, just like Rosalind.  She was only trying to help me be better at love and more of a gentleman. 

17:  We hear that the wedding was quite the celebration.  Was it everything you had hoped for?

Orlando:  Of course.  It was more than everything I had hoped for.  The person I love more than anything in the world was standing next to me, so basically, we could have been married in a dumpster and it would have been more than I had hoped for.

                       “Neither  

  rhyme   

  nor reason  

  can express  

  how much.”

059

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If you are not familiar with this word, we recommend you come to our show and by the time it is over you will be well aware of the word.

Twelfth Night,

What You will,

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Interested yet?  Oh what a tangled web they weave…and throw in the mixing up of genders, a clown, yellow stockings, and MORE mistaken identities and you are in for a good time folks!

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